C is for Claire

2011-08-13T05:23:00.002+08:00

i hate myself of what i've become...

the results of the past...

i know i'm not this person... and i hate to be...

for i've met someone i truly love.. my past haunts me and i becomes insecure..possessive.. and fear of losing everyone i love...

i see its all my fault... sometimes i cant help it... i wont forgive myself if i ever were to lose iain because of this...

i'm so eager for his love... or maybe just abit of attention or just him saying he love me out of the blue...

i still hope he reads my blog...

sigh... things just keep changing for the worst.... im trying harder and harder... just to even keep him...

2011-08-06T07:47:00.002+08:00

i trusted you.........

you say you wont be out late..............

why do you always have to put me in this position....

you were okay at first... you facetime me and text me saying love you....

i dreamt about you and i woke up.... i tried to call you but you didnt wanna accept the call.... and you off your phone......

i dont know whats wrong.......

i always believe you i always give you a chance, endlessly....... i always give you a chance that you wont break my heart.... i love you iain....

please come home........ you say you wont stay over outside again.....especially what happen to you........

please dont hang up on me............please............

2011-08-06T02:26:00.004+08:00

dial tone and voicemail...is all what i hear...

god...if you ever exists..

i'm so tired of your sick jokes all these years....

everyone who i try to love hangs up on me.... left me crying every night and ignores me....

please...i just wish that someone to love me and not ignore me all the time........

i thought things will change when i'm 21 but it just gets worst and worst........

please..........

give me a chance to really feel whats love is than having to feel like worthless piece of shit everytime.........

i'm doing my best.... i try all i can......... please........

just give me the chance.....

2011-08-06T02:13:00.003+08:00

i'm not sure if you find a pleasure hanging up on me all the time...

its sad sometimes you didn't let me have the chance to talk... even when i beg you...

i guess i've been at the lowest of lowest of what a human can be... i never begs anyone......

i just wish you could stay on the phone and listen... and that we sort things out.....

instead of telling me...nononononono and hang up the phone...

i hate this...... i just wanna make things right but you have to cut me off all the time making me feel horrible....

i dont know why.. but you can't seems to keep to your words.. feel your constantly lying which i dont know may be because you were angry...

its hurts me all the time... and it drives me crazy...

yes but you insist on doing it when i told you a lot of times and that i hated it....

thing is you always tells me things but you change it the next min...

i'll never know what you ever say was right cause you constantly telling me different things.. and not keep to your words..........

i never felt so low in my life................. and what i wish is just a little love from you....

its bad enough that i dont have you here...

2011-08-05T23:11:00.003+08:00

i wish ive friends...

normal friends who i can hang out with.. who will ask me out...

i want to be normal....cause i think my social life sucks...

my bf think i probably too clingy cause i've no one else to channel my attention to...

maybe that's why relationship always fail on me.... :(

it's not fair for him that i've no friends... and when i do have someone i love i will try so hard to keep them that they gets annoyed by me...

getting insecure and everything that i'm afraid that i'll lose them and i'm all alone again...

............

........................i'm not sure if its the distance....

:((

i feel like i'm probably the worst girlfriend ever..........

2011-08-05T21:14:00.002+08:00

20 more days

and i'm missing you.. most of the time i wish you were here right next to me..

i very much sense a very strong feeling of loneliness and the urge for you..

everyday it seems like there's a lot of events that i wish you were here...

to have you around and know that i've you in my life...

i miss you so...

2011-08-03T21:17:00.002+08:00

i'll put myself down... just to hear you happy again.....

and just wish i can make it with you...............

just cant describe how i feel anymore... neither did i want to make myself sound self pity like you would say...

i love you and i just wanna see you happy........

i thought i did be able to wish that how best it be to have to fetch me from work..

wish........

what i do get is coming home being insulted on the phone from work missing you... and cant wait to talk to you.. and instead you were piss and shout at me.. hanging up on me.....everything ready to say to put me down on an argue....

i dont want to fight...

is bad enough that i cant have you with me... but i find you further distancing away from me........

......................

..............................

.............

........................................................................................................................please.....

....................................

2011-08-02T20:01:00.002+08:00

today i was looking at the photos in my phone out of boredom.. I saw the photo of us all happy and smiling.. It hits to me feeling bad and wondering why were we arguing all the time..we looked so happy in the photo that we don't look like we'll ever quarrel so often... i also wondering why will i argue with you when your so cute :x

hehe.. i really like your new haircut hun :) it's really suit you well and look good!!

your my cutie :P and I just wanna hug you so bad!

hehe love you loads muahs!

2011-08-01T17:32:00.002+08:00

i miss you :((

it's so bad... I don't know why it felt so long till i can ever see you again...

i wish to touch you again and hug you...

as you said your frustrated with just chatting online all the time instead of being able to see each other and do things together...

please come soon..

sigh.. i really miss you.....

2011-08-01T06:15:00.002+08:00

so many things running though my head...

what did i did wrong again this time... i just barely wanted to have a properly chat with you but you got mad at me again... hanging up on me again..

I feel like I always living the edge that I will lose you everyday...

You said we've been talking for 5 hours but most of the hour is either your playing poker that is not connivence to talk or we're watching movie... we didn't even have proper time to chat with each other...

I miss you and I just want to maintain our relationship.. I dont want it to just die out because we don't talk... I hate skyping too cause it makes me feel so far away from you...

It's soo hard..........................

I've tried to do everything for you giving it to you.... not did i never have a sense of apprication but I'm always have to be mad at...

it almost felt that you dont love me anymore and that your bored of me.. just waiting for the day you can get rid me....

maybe today i just a little irritated cause skype is not working very well i can't hear you clearly neither can i see you on the cam clearly..... it makes me feel even worst all the time when I look into my facebook and that my friends are bragging about their relationship....... it makes me feel so sucky that your so far away....... i just can't wait to see you again... .yet i didn't know if i ever have the chance to see you......

i always fear that when you say you be gone for a bit but never come back... cause it always seems to happen that whenever you say doesn't happen....

this time i'm not sure if you ever gotta come back now that you say you be away for an hour or so...

you know that i hate it when you hang up or me or say that you'll ever leave me...

you been trying to break up with me all the time and i always have to please you and beg you not to leave me for just an argument which also you said that you will never do it.......

I really confuse....... i really dont know what to do......

it's been really hard for me......

why do i deserve this...... i just wish you could just treat me nice............and love me.......

i never gets angry with you............................is it so happen that it comes to a point that i'm already the victim of the relationship cause you're not afraid to leave me anymore and that I am.........

I always try my best for you do what I can for what you want... but you were never enough.......... I never even want any back in return anymore cause it doesn't seems to you....

I really doing my best........

I want to make you happy......

why do you always have to hang up on me..... or to leave on an bad tone.....

I never feel so helplesss in a relationship before..... cause i love you so much........... i just keep trying so hard....... just to make you happy.............

i just wish you would know how bad i feel........ i pray that you even could feel 1/3 of how i feel.....

trying so hard for the person you love but all you get is anger...silent... and the risk losing him.....

............. maybe i'm just a loser for life.......... i can never keep someone i love...... everyone i love is taken away from me........ only those who hate me..... or dont give a shit about me............

i just wish there will be happy times for us again........................... i really love you................

i dont wanna get hurt........................

god.........please help me...................................

let me love him and that he would love me back..............i dont want it just to falls apart like that..... I want to have the chance to live with someone I love....to have a long term relationship like I always wanted my whole life....not having to fear that they will leave me the next day..........I wanna see you so bad.... I wanna see you come back to singapore.....................

one nice thing you say to me today is......' don't be sad'

i feel really good to hear that... for once in a long while i felt that you care....just 3 words...

i bet its not hard at all.... but it totally makes me feel good................. :(

i hope i get to talk to you later.........................................

i really wish i can have a good relationship with you.....................................................................

2011-07-28T20:14:00.002+08:00

4 weeks from now..

its been awhile since i been able to touch you.. I miss the feeling of your warm hug and tender kisses..

I miss you really much and whenever I'm on my phone, my wallpapers make me think about you more.. it saddens me that it will still be 4 weeks till i be able to see you again.. its seems so long away.. I can't wait to hug you again.. and sometimes think naughty things with you :)

I wish you be here with me now.. and that it will be the best thing to have you fetching me from work after a long tiring day..

to be honest.. 4 weeks its not too long neither is it short.. I'm worried that anything could happen to us.. I've been really paranoid about a relationship and about you from the start and I like to apologize but I can't help it... :( I really wish I can trust you again.. I really wish you never have to be angry with me all the time again..

recently everything's been good.. and I hope we can continue to stay this way.. without any unhappiness or argument..

I'll will do my best to understand you and I hope you do too..

may we be able to give in and accommodate each other for the better..

I'm really look forward till the day that you come and i'm counting down..I hope the job can make the day pass faster :))

dear hun,

I may be really sensitive and paranoid nowadays but please bare with me.. it's nice to hear from you that you care and your constant assure of your love to me :) It does makes me feel better.

this is the longest days we ever gotta be apart and I wish it will be and never more.. I hate this feeling and I feel so far away from you it sucks..

I love you and I really really miss you :( It really saddens me sometimes to know you're so far away but I'll always try to keep in mind that when you be here in end of aug for 3 months long and hopefully longer.. If so happens if you've something in mind please do share with me hun.. I'll be really concern to know.. It's really nice to hear you slightly cheerful nowadays and I wish is that things is good for you.. I'm happy to see you happy :D

Sorry if my entry doesn't make much sense and very random.. I just had redbull today to keep me alive.. my mind is mostly empty without much thoughts.. hehe

I love you I love you I love you..

you're always in my mind.

2011-07-25T22:38:00.003+08:00

i think my heart just stop for a sec..

first message i got from you today is that you got robbed.. and when i try to get to you after such long while..

i was told you only came home at 1130am??

seriously I don't know how to response...

1. Concern about your being

2. Mad at you for coming back home the next day..

i seriously don't know what you did the whole night... but it obviously not the first time and obviously we have talked about it and obviously you were sorry...

i dont know how to put up with this right now..

i wish i can talk to you RIGHT now so appreciate if you could answer my bloody phone call..

2011-07-25T02:47:00.002+08:00

today you got angry with me again as usual cause I called you as im unsure what you trying to say in your message and when I texted back there was no reply from you..

i never know where was I wrong to call you.. I understand that your out with your friend.. but i just wanna get it through what you mean in your message.. and I miss you a lot.. It sucks enough that I couldn't be there with you and I've to stuck here..

tomorrow i'll be starting my job in sentosa as a hotline operator.. and the last thing i have from you is that your mad at me instead of your blessing and support for my first day at work..

i dont know if you realize that it hurts me all the time when you call me names..

I'm sorry that i might have disturb you from being with your friend but I don't know why do you have to be so mad at me..

there's a lot of times in the text saying i love you but you wont even say it once to me even when i try to hint you a lot...yes you got me confuse again..whether or not you still love me..

every time i think about our relationship i just wish.. so hard.. that it could be all nice and happy.. i wish you could show me constantly that you love me.. and yes i really love if you could say that you do always as well..

i'm trying very hard not to think about anything now... whenever i think about us i just wish we could be happy.. and that you love me more :(

i'm happy that you be coming again in a month time but it seems so far away...

sigh... just wish you were here.. now....

2011-07-17T21:36:00.002+08:00

i start to get really confuse with our relationship....

i really love you iain but sometimes i feel like your pushing me away..

i care alot about you...

today i didn't sleep well..as i waited whole night for you to come back home when your say you wont be out long and be back like 6.30pm-7pm (UK time)

i waited and waited... slowly the same episode comes back to me that you said you be back at a certain time but you never..

i called at 11pm (UK time) your dad answered said you aint home yet and that he also acknowledge from you that you be home by 6pm

i went to bed at 7am.. i didn't sleep well at all.. loads of nightmares and i wanna turning and turning till it gets to 11am (UK time)

i called once again with your mum picking up we chatted a bit and she told me to call few hours later..

i tried very hard to distract myself till 2pm (UK time) i called again and was told by your mum you actually only came home at 1030am

i was shock .. thinking what the hell did you do outside the whole night.. its already 24hours that ive not get in touch with you...

it's getting too much...

i feel my trust being crush all the time... i always try my best to trust you but you always fail to keep to your saying and that i always wait like an idiot...

im so confuse now...i feel that i've no respect nor appreciated..

i feel like you dont care if i'm waiting or worrying..

and i know if i start telling you all these you will say that i worry too much and that you wanna do what you like to do...

if so... do you ever treat me as your gf and think a single thought about me and how i'll feel??

i'm so tired and mad...so mad..

i love you but i dont know what to do!

2011-07-17T06:29:00.000+08:00

where'd you go...i miss you so

2011-07-14T15:41:00.004+08:00

happy 3 months together iain :)

I hope that we could be together for a long long time and hoping to move in together permanently cause skype sucks..i hate the distance between us.. its a good 4 weeks and here you have to go again.. never to know when will i able to see you again..

i feel like this 3 months together i've been through a lot with you.. its almost seems like being together for more than a year.. still there's so much things i would like to do with you more importantly having you around..

we're still aiming for this day that we could live together in this room that i'll go to work and you stay home and play poker..

i want to see you again hun and your barely away for 5hours..

this few weeks we've really good time and sometimes we have a bit of a fuss..

your the best thing I ever had.. it may not be as nice as before but it still is ..

today on our 3rd month.. i woke up feeling sad knowing that you've to go seeing you packing your stuff and we took a cab to the airport.. i wish i'd able to stay a bit longer together in the airport with you despite it our 3rd month together..

i took a cab home after seeing you off.. it don't feels the same anymore.. you would have open the door for me and we would sit next to each other and maybe holding hands and talk nonsense.. as i alight the cab i walk towards the lift looking at the chairs at the playground that you used to sit there to smoke and had a drink alone..

i came back up home.. walking into an empty room.. where you used to be lying on the bed playing with your macbook.. and also as i walk out of the room you would have been sitting on the couch reading the magazine or news paper..even watching tv..

it feel awkward and i felt so empty and lonely...

here i am just keeping myself away from thinking too much in this empty room without you..

i miss you hun.. i miss having you here with me for i know that you wont be next to me till sometime...

i feel so bad now....

i can't wait to see you on skype babe..

i hope you had a pleasant flight home..

2011-07-10T06:23:00.001+08:00

It's sad when your far away and that I start missing you...

It's still sad... when your here now but your not close to me...

2011-07-10T05:56:00.003+08:00

It's so hard...

I tried so hard to make him happy... tried so hard to plan the future for us and make things work again...to see each other again...

All I ever though of doing is for us.. for you...

But its so sad and tiring to see that you don't care about anything..

Dont even wanna talk to me ... or even be close to me and I tried to...

It's getting very one sided and It's so exhausting...

I want to be happy.... I want us to be happy... but you just wont care about anything...

I feel helpless.. I don't know what to do...

just feel like counting down to the day that I'm gotta maybe lose you forever...and i feel like i already lost you right now...

what ever happened to the iain i knew when i first alight the plane and the smile from your face...

i miss your smile and everything you ever once were that i knew of you..

where has the iain i knew gone?

all i see now is a fake smile and complains about everything and not giving a damn about anything..

i guess the hardest thing is to feel like you care so much about somebody... letting them know...showing them.. and they just turn a cold face at you....

i wish things will go better between us...

feel so cold....and confuse.......

2011-06-23T04:33:00.002+08:00

I feel like a criminal.. whose accused for something i'm not.. and I'm tainted for life..

I feel like a victim.. helpless and no way of fighting back.. I felt useless cause there's no way for fighting back.. this is not me at all...

I don't know what to do but I feel sad and helpless.. I could only so forget about it..as I've no rights at all.. im in no position.. I'm just like an item..

I am threaten..

I'm confuse...

I guess I really don't deserve anything good in my life.. their all taken away from me..

every single thing..

I've admit the fact...

I'll let it defeat me for I could no longer fight... and I'll tell myself.. I've tried...

I'm scare....

2011-06-04T07:29:00.005+08:00

There is a reason why I look forward for you coming back home to the UK.

It's so that we could have more time to chat with each other again.. having things going back to how it used to be....

It only the second day.. same thing... you said to be home by 2am but I waited till now 730am... your still not online.. I called you twice at home...

looks like your not coming online today anymore...

I'm really tired of all these..........you doesn't seems to repeat me at all with your words neither did you bother trying to get to me and tell me anything....

Dont know when will i eventually give up..... but I'm trying very strongly not to....

2011-05-25T19:09:00.002+08:00

I'm tired

I can't help feeling upset all the time when you told me you will talk to me tomorrow when you didn't.. I'll be waiting at home near my macbook to hopefully see you online and be able to talk to you..

I'm really tired though for it's not the first time when you told me that you will skype or talk to me the next day but you didn't.. Sad to say maybe you didn't realise I was texting Shaun to get to you too..

Today, Shaun got angry with me and told me not to text him anymore. Many feelings comes to me and I started tearing..

I felt upset cause I hate it when people get angry with me. I felt embarrassed for I might still see him in the future but his annoyed with me .. I felt angry and offended cause if you've kept to your words and skype with me as you told me I would not have annoyed Shaun..

It sucks that I can't contact you at all..

I really dont know anymore when will you call me.. neither have I got the faith to believe you anymore when you told me that you will call..

It's been one week of constant waiting.. sometimes good when you did call but sometimes its just horrible..

I'm confuse bout your feelings towards me cause you didn't even keep to your words all the times so am I not sure did you keep your words when you say you love me..

But nonetheless.. without a doubt.. I'm constantly thinking about you and I do love you...

sucks....

2011-05-20T23:27:00.002+08:00

its so depressing...

I found myself missing you everyday..

every waking day i will wait anxiously for you to come on skype or pingchat me..

today i was so happy to have a chance to talk to you and see you again..

but half way through.. you went offline.. and there's an outage in your island..

i was left hanging.. i was really upset.. i miss you..

i really wish for a nice chat..

you told me you be going for dinner and you will try to skype/pingchat me again..

its 1130pm now.. I don't think so anymore....

its really depressing.. that whatever i do it brings back the days when i'm with you..

i feel awfully lonely.. im stuck at home.. i can't get a job to get myself busy.. neither can i get anyone to go out with me or talk to me..

it sucks..

it's so hard for me.. i thought missing someone is suppose to be a wonderful feeling..

why am i so depress.. why do i feel so lonely...

i just want to be with you.. to see you .. or even hear your voice..

i dont wish to wait ... i just want to see you..

i'm so jealous i can't be with you when you told me how beautiful the place is and the things you gotta do there..

its not fair...

i love you.............

2011-05-19T17:12:00.002+08:00

the most awful miss call...

you called me and I was away in toilet i didn't hear my call neither did i hear my laptop rings..

I felt so regret and for instant i thought im in shit when i saw a miss call on my phone..

I quickly looked into skype and you were just pop up 'offline'

I pingchat! you but apparently your not with shaun..

I then saw you message on facebook.. I quickly try to 'chat' you on facebook but when i click on you, you went offline..

I was so close.. way too close :(

I've been waiting for your call the whole day.. and I just missed it just because I choose to go to the toilet and go without my phone which i normally do :((

I'm so sad... I miss you so much.. I wanna hear you again :((

I can't stop crying.. I regret going to the toilet at the wrong time...

I'll never ever leave my phone again :(

I miss you so much iain.. please call back :((

2011-05-18T23:10:00.002+08:00

wo bist du

loneliness fills up without you

without your presents nor your voice.. i felt empty and lonely to the max..

im constantly feeling for you.. thinking about you..

i hope you feel the same.. hope your thinking about me too like you said..

you said we would talk today.. still dont know if your going to or probably be to tired from

traveling..

its so hard i feel like crying..

i love you iain..

please let these 2 weeks pass soon :'(

2011-05-17T07:07:00.002+08:00

Today I had a nightmare..

I dreamt that a family across my block are jumping off their window one after another.. In my dream i was scare as hell as in reality i hate to see those things happen either..

I woke up in fright.. and when I open my eyes I wish I did able to see you.. but I realize I was just waking up on my lonely bed.. still waiting for you to call me..

In past days like this.. you probably still be online or at least contactable on whatsapp.. that I can tell you I had a nightmare and maybe you tell me everything is okay..

I miss you Iain..

Please call me soon :(

2011-05-17T04:08:00.002+08:00

I'm so in love with you..

Every time when we're together i feel like a part of you.

Every time when we're apart i feel like i'm missing you like crazy.

I'm constantly falling in love with you.. and even dream about you when we were

sleeping together having your arm around me..

we're together for just a month but to me it's seems like its been years..

We've been to London, Paris & Thailand and i still wish we could continue traveling together in the future..

You've done so much for me its beyond words.. To be honest you've been the nicest person who ever treated me so well..

All the things you did for me was great but I love you to know that all it matters is for me to be able to spend time together with you lovingly :)

I'm really looking forward to see you again in 2 weeks.. and by then I hope we'll never have to part again.. moving in together staying together be it in Singapore or in UK.

I felt so awful to be away from you..

I miss you so bad.. and I hope this will be the last time..

Claire & Iain '14/04/11

2011-02-03T00:11:00.003+08:00

not happening again?

ever since i started working i've a lot of people being too nice to me. i'm not sure what it means but i'm afraid of it. trying to stop myself from falling for anyone so easy. it had been too painful.. i really wish things were easier to see. will i ever stop this paranoid about bad things gotta happen in the future?

just can't help feeling that people just come and go. i'm so afraid of losing people :(

also that i saved up so much and work so hard for the trip and in the end it wont work out again.i really wish it will turn out well.. would really appreciate a nice 21st birthday..

i kinda miss you...

hope you feel the same..

2011-01-25T01:15:00.004+08:00

for my 21st

this year i'm gotta be 21 :) I'm entering the most exciting part of life. I hope.

so for my big 21st birthday this year, I'm planning to celebrate in UK ;) will be there for a week and everything will be planned out really soon :)

will also be taking a train to paris and something exciting for me is that the train travels under the sea ! something new for me. reminds me of final fantasy 8 :D

it's a MUST for me and will be visit thorpe park in UK where SAW- the ride and SAW alive is.. also the london dungeon and madam tussauds xD not to forget the big ben and london tower bridge etc. i really really really can't wait!

to my surprise my friend has already booked the train tickets and hotel. now i really can't wait for it. it's gotta be awesome birthday ;) best ever.

2011-01-09T00:12:00.002+08:00

facebook lesson

note to self.

be aware of what you post on facebook when you have your supervisor in facebook.

was just asked why am i still not asleep, when i've to wake up for work in 5 hours.

but, sir, you too?

2011-01-05T10:17:00.000+08:00

New Year, New Job

I'm so excited in the same time kinda stress. I just got a job at a hostel as front desk, but I'll be working 6 days a week. It my first time having a job that works so many days. I'm not sure if i'll ever handle it. Work starts tomorrow, Good luck Claire ;)

2011-01-01T02:21:00.001+08:00

******HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011*******

my new year resolution for the year 2011.

1. Get a job.

2. Settle my bills.

3. Travel to a new country.

4. Go on a cruise.

5. iPad.

That's all for now :)

2010-12-31T03:41:00.003+08:00

every night i wake up... I felt extremely lonely when i night wind blows...

einsam ohne dich..

so allein will ich nicht sein...

2010-12-30T11:28:00.001+08:00

mein herz brennt...

2010-12-28T10:18:00.001+08:00

'Once upon a December' ' Together in Paris'

*sigh

never gotta happen..........

2010-12-26T03:36:00.001+08:00

i can't breath...

feel like vomiting...

2010-12-25T02:25:00.004+08:00

Merry Christmas

probably the worst christmas ever experience...

neither did santa wanna fulfill my wish but instead of someone's else...

i dont deserve all these...

i give up...

2010-12-23T02:50:00.000+08:00

2010-12-22T05:23:00.000+08:00

2010-12-22T01:05:00.001+08:00

i'm sincere and i'm desperate...

...is this the end?

2010-12-20T05:26:00.001+08:00

when i took up the courage to talk to you... you were just silents...

*fail*

2010-12-20T01:46:00.002+08:00

sometimes i'm so eager to text you... but i'm scared...

i miss you so bad...

2010-12-19T07:31:00.001+08:00

2010-12-19T03:03:00.003+08:00

People think I'm crazy because I have a different life from anyone else.. and that I think different about life differently from anyone else.. I always have to hide my feelings to everything and showing that i'm okay when i'm really not.. If i don't people will dislike it and probably be mad at me and eventually leaves me.. friends doesn't exists in my life.. their all too busy for me.. no one talks to me or ask me out...

I really don't have anyone to be honest.. and I'm so sick of living like this..

Recently I've lost so much things in my life.. I lost my grandpa,my job,my regular sleeping timing,my health, my trip and someone i love.. this is probably the worst event of things that ever happen in my entire life..

Everyday i wake up.. i've no one to talk to anymore..i feel the whole world is isolating around me and i feel so lost..

from everyday waking up and staying up late having someone to talk to.. having something to look forward to is now gone..

i just don't know what to do anymore..everyday i dreamt about you.. everything seems to reminds me of you..

and i miss you........ I wish you could come back...

2010-12-16T03:04:00.002+08:00

I find it hard to blog here. Cause apparently whatever i might write here magically become rumor in someone's school which will hurt someone and eventually hurt me.

Now I can't even blog even thou I really feel like it. What on earth is this about...

I don't know I felt that I've lost my privacy in blogging with jealous bad mouthing childish no life naive people with no sense of maturity

2010-12-06T05:41:00.001+08:00

FUCK

Can't believe its happening to me again.. why...

I hate it.. definitely the wrong timing......

2010-12-05T02:13:00.007+08:00

Christmas list & Black Ops

wow, never had such a long list of gifts in my life o.O

thank god its under control :)

Created new emblem for black ops!

Lates*t

3 more lvl to prestige!

*my blog entry is dumb

2010-12-01T06:46:00.002+08:00

its alive...

whose ready for an unpleasant surprise

this year not everyone's wish is coming true ;)

2010-09-04T11:06:00.002+08:00

When you feel like you lost everyone you love...

this maybe one of the worst feeling ever...................

feel so unwanted..............................

2010-09-04T11:03:00.002+08:00

Not so good time..

As I thought I've finally waited for what I've wanted... Things go back to the same like old time..

worst though.. I'm so tired.........

2010-07-08T05:15:00.001+08:00

GERMANY LOST.... NO....

2010-07-04T23:51:00.002+08:00

My Series of Unfortunate Events, 4th July

- Late for work.

- Took a cab that cost $15/- only to know I am as late as taking train.

- Lost my iPhone volume button.

- Overheard a consideration of terminating me.

FML.

2010-07-01T04:47:00.001+08:00

I can haz new long hair~

2010-06-25T02:09:00.001+08:00

2010-06-15T01:18:00.002+08:00

I just wish to feel better now...

Ever since I last broke up with my ex bf 3 years ago.. I never had a decent relationship.. was heartbroken and used by all the people around me... I found myself growing quiet.. swallowing the loneliness.. I wasn't easy the past weeks that a lot of things had happen.. I turned misery and unsure.. I'm not myself anymore...

I can't hold myself up... neither I can trust anyone anymore.. everyone just keep lying to me thinking that I didn't know anything.....

No one seems to understand my situation... needless to say if there even is anyone..

Please let things be good again... Never been really happy since the past years... things just get worsen...

Whoever 'God' is.. if you wanna torture me like this for so many years... why not just take my life... I'm tired... I hate pretending...

I can't stand this loneliness... I'm desperate for attention...company...

2010-06-09T23:28:00.003+08:00

What happen.....

Why do I deserve all this nonsense......

Early in the morning I receive a call ask me who am I... I was thinking.. Fuck it.. if you don't know who I am why call me..

Afterwards I've been flooded with messages saying that I'm a slut and that I've no guts just because I told her my part of the story and ignored to mention my friend's name when she asked..

Wasn't a very nice morning to beginning with..

Started crying whole day after hearing a song which is now on loop..

Went hospital to visit my mum this morning.. she was admitted to general ward and her face swollen like what -.-

Out of the blue.. a friend who doesn't contact me for years messaged me and chat with me.. till one point he say "fuck you. your stupid!" when I told him what's going on with my life... ya.. I wasn't suppose to have a good day to begin with...

NOW.. here comes stefan.. thinking I could mourn all my sorrow to him.. hoping he will be there to listen to me, comfort me, be there for me.. but NO.

when I try to explain to him what happen.. he says i'm talking singlish when I'm just using the word "don't" <-- which is not singlish!!

but he insist to argue with me.. I've no mood for any shit from anyone anymore as you can see I've a fucked up day... but you always like to ruin it further.......

so I don't wish to talk to you....

SO YA!! FML

2010-06-09T00:09:00.002+08:00

Not good

Hais.. Recently my mum in hospital.. and I've some problems with myself... I don't feel like going to work at all... no mood.. completely...

and If not because I've to work so I've money to spend when Stefan is here.. and that I've to pay my court fee.... I wouldn't be working so intensively......

I feel that all my problems are constantly pushing me to give up on doing anything... just wanna stay at home and do nothing......... nothing seems to motivates me anymore...

when will this end...

2010-06-02T03:16:00.001+08:00

FUCKING NONSENSE

I'VE MY MUM TO WORRY ABOUT SO STOP SHITTING ME AROUND!!!

I CAN'T TAKE NO NONSENSE ANYMORE!!

IF YOU HAVE NO GOOD INTENSIONS THAN LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

2010-06-02T01:26:00.003+08:00

Holding my tears and worries...

Yesterday, My Mum was admitted to Changi Hospital during a seizure at work..

She was scanned and shown that she has a big tumor on front left of her brain.. After my sister break the news.. I just start crying without my mum knowing.. But I've to stop so that my mum wouldnt start thinking that something is wrong, as we didn't want to break the news to her just yet. Not in her dizzy and unstable condition.

My auntie start telling me that she's been very stress and mostly because of me and it's make me heartache and cry again.. I couldn't sleep at night cause I was awfully shock, scare and worried..Very sad that she didn't even know her condition..

Today, She was transferred to Singapore General Hospital's ICA.. She looks much better and hyper now with steroids to hold her pains..Doctor later then show us the scan result and explain to us in details.. It was an unpleasant surprise to see my mum's tumor was covering 1/3 of her brain and was pressing her brain to the right.. Lucky doctor mention that the surgery has a 90% chance of success.

Follow on.. It's the moment of truth and that the doctor review her condition and the tumor in her brain. She seems fine and accept that she has a tumor in her brain. But I worried that she might seems fine but when she's alone she will think about it and cry or stress over..

Due to that it's ICA.. We can't stay over by her bedside so we'll have to head home.. I hope the nurses there will company her cause she wont be able to sleep with her steroids running..

Just very worried for her.. wish to be by her bedside now.. if not because I've work tmr..

I know now how its feels like to neglect things and kinda regret when things happens.....

Thank you for being there for me...

2010-05-19T04:16:00.004+08:00

Things been upsetting...

We've our problems all the time...

It makes me kinda scare to talk to you sometimes....

It's always seems like we easily mistaken each other and got into rage....

Every night I sacrifices my time just to savage us despite having to wake up in a few hours time...

I don't know what to do... I tried not to be angry... and talk to you nicely...

But your always mad at me...

Leaving me when I'm upset...

Your negative words makes me sad... and wanna give up...

and somehow... helpless...

2010-05-02T09:28:00.002+08:00

I LOVE YOU
ALWAYYYYSSSS!!!

2010-05-02T09:23:00.003+08:00

Now I know...

Now I know how it's like to be speechless.. afraid that whatever that i'm gotta say will be wrong and makes things worst...

2010-04-29T12:43:00.005+08:00

Feeling better :)

I've kinda let go of everything that's bothering me before my trip.. Feeling slightly better now and my point of view have change a little..

My latest trip to Germany is AWEEESOOMMEE.. I had Good times and Really Bad times :(

And my trip was extended to 4 weeks due to the volcanic ash clouds.. It was all worth it!! I've a great companion with me 24/7 during this trip, shouldn't complain about how slow the translation is but I miss my companion so much :)

Returning to Singapore makes me realize how lonely I am again.. Feeling sick now now probably due to climate change.. :( suck

Sometimes....

....

I feel like moving out to Germany but sadly my Deutsch sucks :(

I'm pretty sure I will be back to Germany again this year.. It's like my second home now :)

But..But..But.. You have to come over to Singapore to visit me first >:)

My companion ♥

* Will update more about the trip in next entry

2010-03-28T00:13:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to me!

hmmm.. my phone is awkwardly silent..

2010-03-27T14:26:00.004+08:00

This may be the last chance...

Packing my luggage for tomorrow. It's gotta be my birthday and so It's the day I fly off to Germany.

I wonder if you will show up tomorrow or is it just gotta be another excuse and a lonely birthday.

But I've see things has change and so do I... I'm done trying.

2010-03-21T04:32:00.001+08:00

Never been this fucking miserable in my life for sooooooooooo fucking long!!

WTF!

Why can't I survive a day without crying! fucking weak piece of shit...

2010-03-18T00:48:00.001+08:00

Birthday Wishlist

My birthday is coming up in ten days!!*hint hint*

- Universal Studio: Singapore ticket*

- God of War 3**

- Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2*

- Heavy Rain*

- Playstation 3 Controller

2010-03-16T00:08:00.004+08:00

Please Stop...

It really took me to the extend that I just wish EVERYTHING could end now.......

2010-03-15T01:40:00.004+08:00

So speechless...

Recently... I seem to be really fragile and how easily people could make me cry..

Is it that I'm tired?

Is it that I've met my limit that I just feels like giving up hope?

I don't see myself anymore being strong every time I came victim by someone in my everyday life..

Is it cause of the intense stress and problem people are giving me everyday?

For now I've seen that I'm too weak to fight no more.. and I'm all by myself..

Life is too hush on me.. and I'll let it defeat me... I could no longer fight...

I could only tell myself.. I've tried...

And I wish... that this torment will end and I can finally be with someone I love without losing them...

2010-03-13T02:12:00.002+08:00

Life's a bitch

Trust is like a mirror..

You can fix it if it's broken...

But you can still see the crack of that Motherfucker's reflection...

♥ Lady Gaga

2010-03-05T04:26:00.000+08:00

Timotei~

2010-03-03T02:38:00.003+08:00

I can haz short ash brown hair o.O

OMGZ! I've just cut my hair out of boredom and I dye my hair again =x It's super short!! Well, not as short as I used to have cut but still very not used to it :(

Overall I don't really think it's ugly.. I don't mind how it looks but I really mind how other people think it looks..

Don't worry.. hair will grow back. Just stay with this hairstyle for awhile..

What I like to ask a lot now is.... " Does my hair look better before or now?" xD

2010-02-28T03:28:00.002+08:00

Purchased my first Air ticket..

Yay~ I'm going overseas again! This is my first time using my own money to buy air ticket.. heart pain to see my money gone like that.. I didn't manage to grab the cheap fares and this is the best I can get after spending one whole day xD Roti for the rest of the month liao... *sobs*

Will be going to Germany, Amsterdam & Belgium.. Be celebrating my birthday twice!!

It'll be awesooome~~~!!

*evil grin* must watch live porn show in Amsterdam this time.. muahhahaha

2010-02-26T01:48:00.001+08:00

It all comes back that things has changed and I'm alone again...

2010-02-25T05:14:00.004+08:00

This boring entry...

Today, I sent my Macbook to the Apple Service Centre as there seems to be some battery problem. Haha.. My warranty is due in 3 days so quite lucky I can get my battery replace in time.

Now my Macbook is running without battery... :(

I heart my Macbook :)

2010-02-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

You never change...

2010-02-19T21:03:00.000+08:00

Good Charlotte - Predictable

Something isn't right
I can feel it again, feel it again
This isn't the first time
That you left me waiting
Sad excuses and false hopes high
I saw this coming still I don't know why
I let you in

I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (somethings always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)

So take your empty words
Your broken promises
And all the time you stole
Cause I am done with this
I could give it away, give it away
I'm doing everything I should of
And now I'm making a change
I'm living today
I'm giving back what you gave me
I don't need anything

I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (somethings always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)

Everywhere I go
everyone i meet
Every time I try to fall in love
They all want to know why I'm so broken?
Why am I so cold?
Why I'm so hard inside?
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?
I don't even know
This story's never had an end
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been hoping
I've been dreaming you would come back
But I know the ending of this story...
You're never coming back
Never..never..never..[echo].....

I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (somethings always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)

Everywhere I go
for the rest of my life
Everyone I love(so predictable)
Everyone I care about
They all wanna know what's wrong with me
i know what it is(so predictable) and I'm ending this right NOW!

2010-02-09T00:20:00.003+08:00

I.hate.people.who.post.how.they.fucking.love.their.gf/bf.on.Facebook

It's stings me every time I read such post.. Yes! I'm practically jealous.. WTF

Every time I read those post makes me feel like a fucking loser.. Maybe I really am o.O

No, I don't feel happy for those people cause I'm not happy at all...

Fuck you people! Sometimes I feel like quitting Facebook cause of you guys...

2010-02-07T04:30:00.003+08:00

my past still haunts me... scaring me to tears.. It never leaves me like a scar... always reminding me of times I'm going through now... felt so scare... lonely.. and helpless...

2010-02-05T02:54:00.002+08:00

So you lied... and I cried..

Always in my mind.. when will this ever gotta end? When will there be truth to all this that is happening... That you've been hiding and I've been trying to find out...

You may have felt this feeling of lost and suffering for just a month when I'm alway...

But I've be exactly like this for 6 months...

Still thinking... What do you want from me? Could there be this one day... You will come up to me and tell me everything...?

2010-02-01T23:20:00.003+08:00

Planning for a Hair cut..

Should I cut my hair for Chinese New Year? mmmm...

I'm thinking of something like this...

long bob.. whatcha say?

mehh... Chinese New Year coming next weekend le loh!! I haven't given buy any clothes yet or do anything for it xD lol..

k need to do something soon.. either start off with clothes or hair.. I'm looking to go for a floral vintage style this new year.. should be awesome! x3

2010-02-01T23:15:00.003+08:00

No life in Cafe World

Yup, I've just revamped my Cafe world.. I've been on Facebook very often and playing this a lot lols.. Guilty for having no life.. xD

2010-01-31T19:30:00.001+08:00

I want nothing more...

I want to love you and want to continue loving you but I'm too tired.. tired of seeing each other like a fairy tale.. I should have run long long time ago but now I've a part of you in me.. I really wish this is the last thing I've to go through with you.. I want nothing more.. If we were mean to be,we would one day.. But maybe not this time..

I just feel like running away.. after all these is settled...

You could peacefully be together with your gf without hiding and I could stop all the heartaches waiting for you..

It's really the best for us...

2010-01-20T03:27:00.006+08:00

life sure is unfair...*

Maybe she really needs to know how lucky she is... You went back to her while she cries when you tried to leave her... saying you don't wanna create a scene...

...why doesn't my ex bf came back to me when i was crying and running after him... but instead he pull my hair and throw me onto the floor...and make a big scene as my head hit the curb and bleeds like a crime scene......

sometimes... it really comes to my sense that why have I always have to be the victim of every situations and to go through the most shitest things of every problems that can happen...

i could have made it this far..... but doesn't mean i could last forever........

2010-01-20T02:25:00.002+08:00

I'm tired...*

I've given you time.. I've given you love.. I've given you trust.. but all I ever had in return was misery... I'm tired.. tired on holding to this hope that doesn't even know if it ever existed...

tired of crying in confusion.. tired of the pain that tears my life a part.. tired of telling myself everything is okay..

my heart cries when I see you... asking... when will this ever end.......

2010-01-19T15:25:00.002+08:00

iStudio @ OC

Yupyup.. I've just started work there.. Everything seems pretty okay.. It's my first time working in retail line..Luckily I know quite a few things about iPhones and Macbooks which normally customers would ask..So, things isn't really that bad..

The only problem is I didn't really sleep for my first day of work and it kinda kills me after work when I went out to play L4D2.. I've never play game and keep having myself doze off before! Whenever I open my eyes, either I hit the wall in the game or I was attack by zombie and I'm just standing there lols.. The whole day I was in a daze, felt really lifeless and I can't even talk properly.. I'm not being myself at all.. I feel so bad =(

2010-01-16T12:22:00.013+08:00

I tore my cheek!! o.0 (SAW inspired)

After Avatarize myself yesterday, with the awesomeness of photoshop.. I continue to play around with photoshop again.. This time, from my all time favorite movie, SAW..

The Reverse Bear Trap is one of my favorite trap in SAW.. Yes, It came back on SAW 6.. This time for the 'Badass' Detective Hoffman..

This 'Badass' is so determine to stay alive and I actually like it.. But well He still lose his cheek trying to escape from the trap.. His ripped cheek inspire me and I done a photoshop of it on myself ^^''

It looks pretty awesome to me!! xD.. muahhaha

2010-01-15T23:31:00.002+08:00

Avatarize

Recently, I've watched Avatar in 3D.. Seriously I kinda like it and almost cried during the show..

I was just really curious how I'll look like as one of the Na'vi..

It took me sometime and here's the result... ^^''

I kinda overdone the eyes but overall, I loved it! =)

2010-01-15T11:49:00.002+08:00

My Beliefs

I've been thinking recently about the belief of God & religions as it seems to be a quite an interesting topic to share and talk about.. I asked around a bit to understand and listen to their believes.. Seriously there's no right or wrong, is a personal belief, faith and commitment..

It's interesting of what I heard from people.. I don't think it's a subject to be put into an argument in fact to be open about it.. To accept other people's believe instead of shit talking..I'm not writing to criticize any Religions or Beliefs and I apologize if I offend anyone but if you are, than I think your not open enough to accept people's beliefs.. Here is my sharing of my thoughts and personal beliefs..

If your interested to know about some of my beliefs please continue reading...

Okies.. Here goes,

I personally do believe in an existence of the spirit of God but not totally.. But one is that I can't truly believe or understand is the Religions..

I've quoted someone having this saying "God is God. Organized religion is man's vision of God. As soon as you join one, you are buying into some other damned fools notion of God rather than God."

..and another reply from someone, "I have a strong belief in a 'God'.I do not believe in organized religion because religion is a creation of mankind, and is almost always hierarchical, and contains human flaws. Also, organized religion serves to separate people into groups who argue about their 'rightness'. This has been the foundation of a great many unholy wars."

Seriously, I do agree with what they say.. God is God and Religions and worshipping is man-made.. I maybe believe in God but not really to the extend of commitment and worshipping.. But who knows, I'm just not ready..

'Adam & Eve' or 'Evolution'? Evolution, I believe in sciences and evidence.. Seeing to believe instead of hearsay..

'Life after death' or ' Nothing' Well, I believe that Nothing gotta happen to us after we died.. Nahh.. nothing at all.. My personally theory is that the way we behave is inherit and control by your brain A.K.A yourself.. What your wants and needs is create by the environment around you..So when you die you just die together with your brain =)

Overall, I think I believe I'm an Agnostic.. People who are uncertain of the existence.. Cause seriously, I don't know either.. I couldn't consider myself as an Atheist cause Atheist don't believe in any existence of God.. So here's some personally beliefs I've shared with you guys or maybe just myself.. Anyway, this topic is very interesting and a bit sensitive, but my curiosity will never stop here to find out more.. ^^

Lastly here's a saying from my friend Justin to concludes the believe in Religions, which I totally agree..

"Religion is a guiding path in ones life.it may not be true,it may not be real but humans just need smth to get themselves feel secure.just like the past,how sun is to human." - Justin

2010-01-10T18:06:00.007+08:00

Living in stress again...

Yupp, desperately looking for a job again..It angers me all the time that I've been searching for a job so badly and my family is saying "oh,your useless.. everyday stay at home in front of the laptop.. why don't go find a job!"

Well... the bloody fact is I've been searching for jobs everyday on the internet!!

Sometimes I kinda regret coming back to Singapore.. I would have stayed longer if not because of him... Is it really worth it?

I still feel as miserable as before.. lonely as usual...

I really hope I could and I'll try my very best to get a temporary job.. enough for me to get a plane ticket back to Germany by April..

Just remember Stefan! This can't always be one sided.. You must visit me soon too!! x)

2010-01-06T21:38:00.006+08:00

When we first met..

I've such a wonderful time in Germany even it's just for 8 days.. I've finally met you after planning for so long since 2008.. Thanks to someone that make this happen for us..

The day I met you was a long day for me..I remember when I first met you.. It was so EPIC.. Although it's completely different from your dream, still it was kinda dramatic x)

Here's the story,again...

In New York,

My flight was 3 hours late due to the stupid weather, only to know I missed my train and I will not reach Dusseldorf on time.. I kinda panic cause I don't want you to worry sick about me when you don't see me..

First I tried to call you from JFK wanting to inform you about my flight delay that I'll be late.. Which apparently didn't got through and you complained that you fail your test because I call you at 4am!=(

After which I tried to make a call from the plane and lucky it got through.. I was kinda annoyed when I told you a lot of times "I'm still in the 'plane' " which apparently you heard "plane" as "train" so I've to ask the German couple next to me to explain to you ^^''

In Frankfurt,

So I finally reach Frankfurt at around 1pm.. I did call you again that I've reach and you keep telling me about the next train number going to Dusseldorf.. I'm like ok ok! I haven't collect my luggage yet.. So I rush to collect my luggage..

First I got my main HUGE luggage and I start to sit and wait for my Rock Band Guitar which is also checked in... I totally sat through till the belt stopped and my guitar is still not out!! I went around asking and looking, finally to make a baggage lost report......... I spent so much time in Frankfurt just for that..

I rush to the train station, feeling worried to extreme and having my leg keep hitting by the awfully heavy luggage.. I missed my scheduled train so I'm not sure if I could get in another train.. First I went to the ticketing and they told me to go to the customer service, then the customer service told me to go to the travel center -.-

Travel center has quite a slow queue... =( and finally she told me to take the next train at certain timing with the train number and platform which is in 5 mins time.. She also explain that I might have to TOP UP maybe 24euro for the next train cause I miss my actual train..

After which I totally RUN to the platform and again got hit by my luggage countless of times.. Slowly I realize...It was COLD!! and I've only have one hoodie on...T-T I went to the payphone and tried to give you another call.. only to give you the wrong train number...

The train arrived and I board the train..Due to my luggage is so heavy,I couldn't even carry up aboard myself.. luckily there is a nice uncle to help me X)

On board the train, the train conductor told me that my original ticket is not valid and I've to purchase another one for 42 euro.. I'm like what???? I thought I only have to top up a few euro but in the end I paid for a whole new ticket....... I was so sad.....

I have to change another train at Köln and lucky the train conductor do tell me which track to take the next train from.. Again during the process I have my leg crush countless of time... and also fail to carry my luggage onboard xD..

In Dusseldorf,

When I finally alight at Dusseldorf.. I was so scared I couldn't see you.. and I remember one of the passenger told me to make an announcement when I told her my problem.. I went straight to the control station and ask the personnel if he can make an announcement for me to look for my friend 'Stefan'.. In response, He told me he don't understand english... *facepalm*

So fine, I continue to walk down the platform hoping to see you.. Suddenly,this guy holding a cardboard on his hand,desperately looking at the information board caught my eyes.. I ran up to him and stood beside him quietly.. It was you.. =) You turned and stare at me for 10 seconds and you hug me damnnnn tight xD I was so happy I've finally met you after all that I've go through that day and worrying not able to find you.. both of us were so happy we're about to cry hahaha.. ohoh! and you show me the signboard you did for me saying 'Welcome Claire' & dig out 'fluffy' the teddy bear out of your bag,that you bought from the stationary shop. Your so sweet!! x) I'm soooo sorry to make you wait for 5 hours and making you able to know all the shops name with your eyes close.. I feel so badd xD I still do.. hehehe..

We didn't do much that day cause you can see I had a long day and I just wish for a rest..

and this is the day that we first met =)

2010-01-06T21:21:00.002+08:00

Billy Talent - Surrender

She reads a book from across the street
Waiting for someone that she'll never meet
Talk over coffee for an hour or two
She wonders why I'm always in a good mood

Killing time before she struts her stuff
She needs support and I've become the crutch
She'll never know how much she means to me
I'd play the game but I'm the referee

[CHORUS]
(Surrender)
Every word, every thought, every sound
(Surrender)
Every touch, every smile, every frown
(Surrender)
All the pain we've endured until now
(Surrender)
All the hope that I lost you have found
(Surrender) Yourself to me

Even though I know what I'm looking for
She's got a brick wall behind her door
I'd travel time and confess to her
But I'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger

[CHORUS]

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
This flower don't belong to me
Why can't she belong to me?

Every word, every thought, every sound
Every touch, every smile, every frown
All the pain we've endured until now
All the hope that I lost, you have found

[CHORUS]
(Surrender)
Every word, every thought, every sound
(Surrender)
Every touch, every smile, every frown
(Surrender)
All the pain we've endured until now
(Surrender)
All the hope that I lost you have found

(Surrender)
I never had the nerve to ask
(Surrender)
Has my moment come and passed?
(Surrender)
I never had the nerve to ask
(Surrender)
Has my moment come and passed?
(Surrender)
I never had the nerve to ask
(Surrender)
Has my moment come and passed?
(Surrender)
I never had the nerve to ask

2010-01-03T21:24:00.001+08:00

Feeling lost...

Ever since I'm back from my trip.. I feel.. lost.. Maybe part of me still lives in Germany x) I was right being back jobless and it sucks..I waited so long and been through all the interview and training for Universal Studio Singapore only to be rejected due to my tattoos... FFFFFFFUUUUU!!!

I've been staying at home most of the days and the only person back in Singapore I've met up or talk so far with is only Ruff o.O

I feel awfully lonely..

It's been almost 2 years that I'm single.. I've never been so lonely before.. I've met so many people during this period.. We like each other but there's always something that stop us for being together.. I miss having a proper relationship... what's wrong with me.........

2009-12-31T03:15:00.006+08:00

I'm just too lazy to blog...

I'm finally home from my long trip.. So much fun & incidents hurhur..

Ahh.. I'm so lazy to blog about all of it now.. I feel like crashing.. ahhh..

Till next time when I've time I'll blog about it..=)

2009-12-24T06:56:00.002+08:00

oh was ist denn hier los!
Ein Toc-Toc hat sich in den Blog gehackt und kann nun hier schreiben was auch immer er schreiben möchte =X. Aber viel habe ich nicht zu erzählen, schließlich steht ja schon alles auf meinem Blog x). Die Kleine hier hinter mir ist aber eine ganz Süße und Liebe x) *schleim*. Kommt selten vor das ich so viel Spaß habe, dass mir selbst HoJ abends egal ist und ich lieber was anderes mache =P. Normalerweise habe ich die Webcam abends an, nun brauch ich es nicht mehr x). Claire hab dich ganz dolle lieb und das weißt du auch xP. Werd dich auch nicht mehr gehen lassen x).

-Wally

2009-12-21T05:45:00.004+08:00

Guess where I'm heading next?

Frankfurt ;)

Yupp.. Updating now from JFK's lounge.. waiting for the flight at 9pm.. sucks XD

I can't wait till I reach Frankfurt to take the ICE3 Train to Düsseldorf..

Christmas will be great this year! woot!

Hey.. You know I'm missing you right now..*

2009-12-20T00:16:00.005+08:00

Let it snow~!

I woke up today & I saw...

How can I resist going out to play?!! XD

2009-12-19T11:42:00.002+08:00

He ate my heart*

"He downed the whole thing..In one efficient gulp.. Like a beautiful monster.."

2009-12-16T10:15:00.004+08:00

I haz my hair ash brown

Finally I've finish my shopping list.. I've been buying loads of gifts for my friends and family recently.. Now it's all done~ phew..

Today I went to the mall to dye my hair.. and I love it ;)

Cant't really see the color as it's night time..

I can haz new shades~

2009-12-04T10:21:00.004+08:00

SAW VI is AWESOME!!!

I've just finally finish watching SAW VI. Man! I love it! It ain't disappointing like the previous series at all & my favorite Reverse bear trap is back! Will Det.Hoffman live? His one smart ass for sure..

Can't wait for the SAW VII to come next year! woot!

I've recently also completed SAW the game! The game is very nice just like the movie and you get to choose your ending for 'Freedom' or 'Truth'

Guess I'm pretty much a SAW fan after all! Not as hardcore as you thou,Stefan ;P

2009-12-04T00:54:00.003+08:00

So much misery..

I've lost myself.. from a person whose so much cheerful, talkative, curiosity turns into loneliness, misery and sorrow..growing quiet everyday and nothing seems to bother anymore.. I'm trying to find out what happen and where have she gone to.. will I ever find her back...

I've affected all my friends of what I've came to be.. It's crazy....